Let’s talk about the weather. It’s been unseasonably cold the past two months, with random and infrequent teases of warm temperatures - and all I seem to do is grumble about how much I hate it. So, let’s talk about this odd habit many of us have: talking about the weather. But first, an anecdote:
I have two older sisters who are twins. When they were in kindergarten they were Daisies in a Girl Scouts troop led by my mom and, being the younger sister, I was incredibly jealous. I was too young to officially be a Girl Scout, so my mom made me an honorary troop member, calling me a “Daffodil” scout.
Since then, I have always loved daffodils. Each year, I look forward to those short two weeks or so in April when they’re in bloom, signifying the start of Spring. This year was different, though. The daffodils started to bloom that first weekend in April when we finally had warm weather -- which proved to be short lived. We went on to have some two weeks of mid-forties and fifties, interspersed with heavy rain and powerful wind gusts. It was strange to see these bright yellow flowers contrasting the dark, overcast sky. I was tired of the cold, the snow, the rain, and the winter.
It seems like this year in particular my default conversation involved me just complaining endlessly about the weather. Whenever I didn’t know what to talk about with someone, I’d bring up how exhausted I am, probably because it was 80-degrees yesterday and now it’s back to 40; or my back is killing me from the constant changes in weather; or I wish Spring would actually come. No one ever said anything -- in fact, most people would engage and we’d just whine about our problems and blame it all on the weather.
Then, it was warm for four days in a row. I took my dogs on a long walk, I went on a hike - I even got a little sunburnt (always wear sunscreen!). I stopped talking about the weather and started to just experience it; and that’s when I realized how awful I was when it was cold out. Think about it: what is your impression of someone who is always whining? Even I, the apparent hypocrite of this story, get turned off by complaining and negativity. I was blaming all of my problems on the cold instead of owning up and taking responsibility. My exhaustion couldn’t really be blamed on the cold - I prefer to sleep in a cold room with a lot of blankets - but it could be blamed on the fact that over the past few months I developed a bad habit of watching TV in my bed before going to sleep.
Sure, I could easily blame my mood on the weather; I don’t like the cold, so it makes perfect sense that for some four months I was in a resting-grumpy-state, right? Wrong. Let’s take a look at this lovely quote by Pema Chödrön:
“You are the sky. Everything else - it’s just the weather.”
What Pema is saying here is that we are not what happens to us. While we may not always have control of how we feel, we always have control over how we react. It’s fine that I was upset with how long it was cold for this year; but I didn’t have to react by complaining (which almost always makes us feel worse) to everyone and during every lull in a conversation. I had a choice, and I took the easy route.
Spring is generally associated with new beginnings, so I challenge you to notice how you let the weather -- both literal and figurative - impact your choices. Personally, I will be working on maintaining a positive outlook even when things are not going my way. I’m going to focus on listening and being more receptive to others in order to strengthen my interpersonal skills and project a more authentic version of myself instead of the version that is sour and irritated just because the weather isn’t what I want it to be. After all,
“Daffodils are an optimistic flower, and foolproof. You know what Shakespeare said: Daffodils, That come before the swallow dares, and take The winds of March with beauty.” - Tasha Tudor.
I strive to be more like the daffodil: daring to face the cold and able to make the darkest day a little brighter.
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